Shirley sank into the chair in the lounge outside of the conference room. This conference was important. She had covered the building twice, acting as security. Everyone seemed appropriately oblivious of the important secret matter being discussed. She gazed out onto the frozen lake, her memory retreating to a spot that she rarely gave it the permission to go. Her life was like a shoreline. At the beginning the rocks were bold and steep but as time wore on, the consistent beating of the waves had caused the grand rocks to crumble and finally be worn down into small pebbles.
It was in a lobby very similar to this one that she and her husband, Tom, had been sitting about ten years ago. Shirley had leaned into the arm of the chair, trying her best to passionately persuade Tom that he should give their daughter, Samantha, a chance to attend college. It seemed like such a nice school. Shirley refrained from mentioning her own life long desire to attend college. She knew that Tom didn’t approve of such things for her, but maybe the tides would have shifted enough to give their daughter the chance that Shirley had wanted. She talked on about the opportunities it would give Samantha and all the great people she would meet. The choices of what to study and which groups to become involved in seemed to stretch from here to the horizon! Tom didn’t seem to be listening. He was a good man, just very strong willed and unwilling to be persuaded to believe any differently than he chose to at that moment. Her life with him had been a bit of a fog. When you wander around on cliffs in thick fog, you eventually fall and this happened with some regularity to Shirley. She never thought much of it. After all, all women had to deal with moody husbands– some just pretended that they didn’t. Tom was like a shark, he didn’t bite all the time. She usually had enough time to regain her footing and escape from the burning hot lava flow of anger that spewed in her direction. He seemed so far away now, like an elusive lighthouse during a stormy night at sea. Some of the students were filtering out of the classroom. Tom’s gaze lazily followed them and suddenly he stood, took off his jacket, tossed it her direction and strode down the hallway. That meant that their conversation, well the one-sided form of it that had been existing, was over. It probably also meant that his decision was made. She rose from the chair, standing uneasily to the side of the rush of students now pouring from each classroom around her. As much as she wanted this environment of study and learning for Samantha, it still made her uneasy– almost making her feel inferior. She was just a high school drop out. When she’d gotten pregnant with Samantha eighteen years before, Tom had said she didn’t need to bother to finish school. He’d told her that she knew enough to get by and now her job was to be Samantha’s mother and his wife. That’s when they officially moved in together, getting married four years later when she’d found out she was pregnant again, this time with their son, Daniel. Samantha finally emerged from the classroom and Shirley worked to not show her emotions. Tom was a very strict parent and didn’t allow her to gush with excitement with their children either. At least not in his presence. He came down the hall now and she told him that she and Samantha had to make a quick stop in the restroom (which was really just a chance for them to get away so Samantha could tell her what she thought about the class). Tom acted very annoyed but did not forbid them from going. As they walked down the hallway, Shirley glanced back. He was standing at the balcony railing staring down into the pool of students swirling beneath as if searching for someone. And that was the last time she had seen him. When they returned, he was gone. Shirley had hesitantly tried to call him after an hour of searching and when they realized that their truck was gone, too. He had picked up, telling her that they were done and she could do what she wanted to with the kids– school, no school, he didn’t care– she was in charge now and she could see how she liked it. He made sure she knew in no uncertain terms that he was not going to come back and then hung up. The giggling of the younger woman she had heard in the background still haunted her dreams at night. When she’d tried the phone again a couple days later, she got a message saying that the number was no longer in service.
That had been a huge blow for them, but she threw herself completely into trying to keep the family afloat. All three of them started working as much as possible and somehow they made ends meet. Samantha had, in fact, gone to college, mostly on academic scholarships and getting the rest by working on the side. She had been slipping, though. As time went on, she cared less and less about her school work and began hanging out with the wrong crowd more and more. Shirley had watched helplessly, trying to talk some sense into her at every opportunity, but just getting shut down. This all had culminated a year later when Shirley had gotten that fateful phone call. The police chief told her that they had located her daughter who had disappeared a few days before, but she was dead. The details of her kidnap and murder outside of Washington, D.C. would follow. Shirley thought the nightmare would never end. It didn’t seem like life could get much worse, but worse it did.
She went spiraling down into a pit of depression with the next blow. Her son, Daniel, the only family she had left in this world, had become more and more bitter after Tom had left. When Samantha was killed, he began to become uncontrollable, flying into rages at the tiniest ripple in his world. He firmly believed that the world was to orbit around no one but him and when it didn’t, as it inevitably wouldn’t, he would tear around like a giant avalanche unfurling his fury on anyone who happened to be nearby. As soon as he was old enough he joined the army. Shirley knew he was furious at her– held her responsible for their family collapsing– and she knew he thought he could do better on his own. She was sad to see him go, yet had no more strength to hold on to him through the torrential downpour of his temper. She could only hope that he would settle down in the army. She desperately wanted for him to become another one of those stories where the kid goes into the army a mess and comes out calm and in control. This was not to be, though.
Daniel was soon sent to Iraq and within a few months she was receiving another phone call, this one from his Commanding Officer, or CO. The man had wanted to spare her the details, but she insisted on knowing everything that had transpired. He reluctantly unfolded the story for her, how Daniel was still very temperamental and how he refused to bond with the team with which he had been placed. The CO told her about that day off they had had by the Persian Gulf and how Daniel had just been sitting by himself, surprisingly calm by all outward appearances, just watching the lobster boats and buoys bob along and the seagulls swoop by from the edge of the rocky cliff. The CO told her about his own hope that this would be the turning point for Daniel, but how this hope, too, was shattered. A couple of the men started to approach Daniel, but Daniel had abruptly spun around, pulling out a gun, telling them not to come any closer or he would kill them and himself. At this point Shirley could only breath in suppressed ragged gasps, horrified at what the man would say next. Nearby, a chaplain overheard the outburst and came to try to slowly talk Daniel down. This lasted a few minutes before Daniel fired three random shots– all of which missed their marks– and hurled himself over the edge of the precipice. Medics rushed down as quickly as safely possible but he had died instantaneously upon impact, blood spattering everywhere. The CO tried to comfort Shirley. He told her that it doesn’t seem that Daniel was in his right mind that day and that they found several strong drugs in his pockets. The CO also said that it was not Shirley’s fault, but Shirley couldn’t accept that and still felt responsible. She had failed completely both as a wife and as a mother and now she was completely alone in this world. No family, no friends, and no money.
Shirley sighed and shifted in her seat, glancing towards the conference room. That was why she was here now. She needed money. She had run aground on a sand bar, stranded with no options and then she heard of this chance. She didn’t remember how she’d heard of it, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was she was getting paid. The days were long and hard and she hated every second of the cleaning work she had to do. She hated the dust particles, the scum, the viperous snakes of humans she was working for, but most of she hated the girls who lived in the dorms that she cleaned. She hated them because of the girl that Tom had run off with and she hated them for being alive when Samantha was dead. It would end soon though. She hoped. Even now in the conference room they might be discussing the date for the overthrow. She wasn’t sure of much of their plans, but she knew her role would be crucial. Something about wiring the dorms with explosives under the auspices of cleaning. She knew it must be soon because she’d seen the dull blue wires in the central command station last time she’d been called in. There had been coils and coils of them, but she would be able to pull it off, given enough time. The cleaning job was just a cover anyway. A way that they had snuck her into the university. Her real work would start soon. It paid well now, but when the overthrow was successful, it would pay really well. So well that she would never have to work again. She planned to disappear on some Pacific island where no one would have to bother her again. It would be soon. It had to be. Buildings would crash down and the overthrow would be complete practically at the speed of light. Then she could be happy at last.
