Divorce.

Yep, you heard right. The "D" word.
Today I decided that I had enough.
This has been long in the making, but three things in the last 24 hours just topped it off.
I want to divorce myself. (Not sure how that's going to work.)

I want to be completely rid of my old nature.
To remove everything in my life that is hindering my run towards Christ.
To become the servant of God that He intended instead of being caught up in the here, now, and what's going to "make me happy" (but never does).
I want to be committed and compassionate.
Focussed and disciplined.
Pursuing things that actually matter.
To be available for God to use.
To learn to listen to and live by the Spirit.
To be able to help others.
To bring glory to God in all that I say, do, think, and feel.
To be a mirror that when others see me, they are directed to Christ because rather than see me, they see His reflection.
Not to be tied to stuff, but to live with open hands.
Not to fear rejection or pain, but to love all with an open heart.
Not to cling to the ignorance that may shroud tradition and not to recklessly reject what may be correct, but to grow closer and closer to God each day as I learn with an open mind.

If you think of me, prayers are appreciated. Divorce is hard. And it will probably be a long process.
I'm going to have to figure out what all belongs to who (old nature or new). And what is worth fighting for.
Some of it's already been decided, like the impatience, the anger, the nasty remarks and comebacks, the bitterness, the unforgiveness, the discontent, the harsh tones of voice, the pride, and the hostile attitude all has to move out with old nature. I try to pack them up, but they can be like pesky cats escaping their crates.
Some of it is a bit of a gray zone. Like being vegan. And being so intrigued with art.
And every once in a while I see glimpses of those things that are definitely not of me but of the Spirit and that reminds me again how important it is that old nature move out as soon as possible so that the Spirit has more room to grow those traits in me.

How? I'm still not sure, but I've got to try.

Cheezy Kale Hummus Dip

I served this dip warm and it reminded me of the non-vegan Spinach-Artichoke Dip that I so often crave when browsing menus at restaurants but know that if I order it, I'm going to feel crummy later.

Covet no more! I can make a yummy (and HEALTHY!) substitute! :)

This was originally inspired from: http://cleancuisineandmore.com/garlicky-kale-hummus/

Then I played with it. :)

4 cups of kale (about four leaves worth), destalked and sliced into fine strips

1/4 cup of water

1/4 cup of raw cashews or walnuts (or raw pumpkin seeds), soaked

1-2 cloves of garlic

1 can of garbanzo beans/chickpeas, drained and rinsed thoroughly with hot water (this will make it smoother)

1 1/2 tablespoons of lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon of cumin
1/2 teaspoon tumeric

1/2 teaspoon of sea salt

1/2 cup of almond mylk

a couple blops of dijon mustard to taste

3 tablespoons of nutritional yeast flakes

1/2 teaspoon of agave nectar

1. Boil about 2 inches of water in a pan on the stove. Place kale in a steamer basket (I had to do mine in two batches due to the steamer's size) and cover. Steam for about 10 minutes or VERY soft.

2. Blend water, nuts/pumpkin seeds (I use mainly pumpkin seeds with just a couple nuts), and garlic together until reasonably smooth.

3. Add all of the other ingredients to the blender and process until smooth.

4. Now, you can either eat it at this point (how my mom prefers it) or proceed to my personal level of heavenly bliss in the next step!

5. Place roughly half of the mixture in a custard ramekin (like for crème brûlée) and put in oven (I used our small toaster/convection oven) for 15 minutes at 350ºF. Enjoy! :)

Variation 1:
Add in 1/4 to 1/2 a cup of quinoa and blend.
Variation 2:
Put a couple spoonfuls of mixture after step 4 in a bowl with a dill pickle cut into slivers and another leaf of chopped kale and microwave for 30 seconds. Then stir and pour over a plate of raw zucchini pasta (grated or spiralized zucchini).

Make-believe World

Heard while guarding:
"Hey guys! Pretend I'm normal again!"

While in this case, it was kids playing, don't we often hear adults saying the same thing? They may use different words and have a far different meaning, but it's still there. We live in make believe worlds of our own making much more than we realize, I think.

"Problem"

I have a problem. 

I love stories.

No, seriously. I really love stories.

Mainly stories about people's lives.

About what they've done. 

Or heard. 

Or said. 

Or wish they hadn't.

Or about what they dream of doing one day.

Just ask the people I work with! It's quite common for me out of the blue to say, "Tell me a
story." To which I usually get a very blank stare and a tentative, "What… kind… of story??"
(This is when it gets exciting- they haven't walked away yet!)
And I over enthusiastically reply, "Anything! Just a story!" 

That approach works when you're with people.
But it becomes harder when you are sitting by yourself at a table in a dark kitchen.
And to make matters worse the clock on the wall just keeps saying, "tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk"
over and over to mock how much time you are wasting wishing for a story.

So I've found a semi-solution. 

Right after blocking out the priggish clock. 

I read blogs. (Completely. Like all the entries.)

Totally random blogs from people I have never met and never will meet.

I argue with them.

And laugh with them.

And get choked up with them.

And then I remember my problem.

I have a test tomorrow.

Field of Dreams

Life is just a field of dreams 

that I'm running past.

Chasing purpose day by day-

nothing seems to last.

Will I be a vapor?

Or even a memory?

Does it even matter?

Is this all futility?

And I said to myself

A, a, a.

And I said

Oh, oh, oh.

And I said to myself

A, a, a.

Just nonsense

Oh, oh, oh.

Laying in this field of dreams,

people racing past.

Missing every moment just

focussed on the next.

Always seeking more and more.

They'll never be content.

Bitter from years of keeping score

and then they end up dead.

And I said to myself

A, a, a.

And I said

Oh, oh, oh.

And I said to myself

A, a, a.

Just nonsense

Oh, oh, oh.

Choosing from my field of dreams

this one seemed the best.

Let it be all consuming-

fill my emptiness.

And though I give it everything

it soon loses all appeal.

Just when I thought I'd found it all,

now the search begins anew.

And I said to myself

A, a, a.

And I said

Oh, oh, oh.

And I said to myself

A, a, a.

Just nonsense

Oh, oh, oh.

Just a field of hollow dreams.

Still my chasm looms within.

Work and money don't satisfy-

futile chasing of the wind.

Life can soon be meaningless

each day becomes a test

The only way to make it count

is in another's life invest.

And He said to me,

"This is my Way.

and in it

you must follow.

You have joined a mission of

love today:

so the world

My Son may know."

A life beyond a field of dreams.

Mondegreen

According to Wikipedia:

A mondegreen is the mishearing or misinterpretation of a phrase as a result of near homophony, in a way that gives it a new meaning.

As many of you know, I mishear/misread/misspell things on a very regular basis. I usually keep them to myself, pause a second, reinterpret correctly, and move on. But they do add a rather humorous dimension to life! Anyway, here is the latest:

I'm reading Francis Chan's new book. Or rather, I've been meaning to read it. My mom had borrowed it from me for one of her trips and then tonight when I was packing for vacation she came in and I heard her ask, "Do you want to take a race in hell?"

Ummmm, no, that's not where I was hoping to go for vacation?? It's not really a destination race for triathletes, either... I replayed it over in my mind, trying to grasp any sliver of a context. Then I saw what she was holding.

She had said, "Do you want to take "Erasing Hell"?

Yes. Some good theological beach reading is now in store.

Real. [girls]. eat. plants!

I  think this will be my new mantra. :)

If you haven't seen the movie Forks Over Knives, you need to! It's a fascinating (okay, so it's also in my area of interest, but I think you will at least agree with me that it is an interesting) look at the foods we eat. It's based on the research and studies of a couple of doctors (one of which is from the Cleveland Clinic- yay Cleveland! ;) ) and presents some fairly compelling evidence.

Here are a couple trailers: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7ijukNzlUg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPJbYAYzP04&feature=related

I've watched several documentary-type movies on this subject and this is by far my favorite so far!

So go watch it! It will make you think and may even save your life. Seriously. Plus you'll understand my new mantra! :)