Writing

    I've probably said this before, but let me say it again: more than anything else in the world, I WANT TO WRITE! I don't know how else to say it. I don't care if I ever get published or not, I just want to write.
    Today I learned that there are two reasons that a writer writes. The first is to discover and the second is because they are a lover of words and language. And they write for both reasons. This was hard for me to hear in light of this morning's (oh irony of ironies!) blog post that I am not in love with words the way that other people are in love with words. I asked, "Is there something wrong with me?" YES!!! Very wrong! What do I need to do about it? The person speaking went on to talk about the technical side of writing and how that is a tool in the telling of the story, because the writer's control is through language. I don't mind that. I think it's cool even. I will readily admit that I do not know the craft and I would love to learn it. But I'm not a "lover of words." Language, maybe. But not words in and of themselves. Unless I'm saying that I don't like birds, but I like eagles. Is that what I'm doing? Am I just calling it another name, approaching it from a different side? Am I being completely immature? Are the other would-be-writers in the class the wise ones here? Do they have this mystical appreciation for the words that I lack? Am I in the wrong? Is this wrong redeemable? Or am I just being ridiculous? I don't know.
    I want to pursue this craft, but my problem with words seems to denounce me before I even really begin in earnest. Destining me to a life of trying without success. And by success I AM NOT referring to making the New York Times best seller list, or any amount of publishing at all. Like I said before, that is not my goal. I just want to write stories, to discover the characters as I go. Writing for the sake of writing. And I don't know how.
    Something else that was said was that "Writing takes the confidence to be able to fail." This raises another problem for me. This may also be another bird/eagle rationalizing craziness deal. Confidence and courage. I know I lack both of these in my writing. Not in the writing itself. I may or may not write with an air of confidence, I wouldn't know because I don't know the technical side of writing! But I lack confidence in my writing because it is mine. I don't really let myself think of myself as a "writer" and therefore have pretty much no expectations for myself. (On the other hand, why am I deliberating over this whole deal if I have no expectations? Maybe I do have expectations. Ridiculously high ones that I am only subconsciously aware of enough to completely paralyze me and make me ask a ton of weird questions.) In other words, whichever scenario is true, I expect to fail. I don't want to fail though. Drat. I just admitted to a fear of failure. Guess I have a lot to learn.
    One of the other things said was that being a writer takes practice. Lots of practice. And apprenticeship. And seemingly endless training. And after you've trained and trained and trained, then you can take it and make it your own. And you know what? It still sounds totally worth it to me.